My Story
	My life began in January, 1964. I was born in Sheffield, UK. When I arrived I was the third child to my parents, who had already had a boy and a girl. Over 4 years later my younger brother joined us in the world. Even when I was growing up in the early years of my life I knew that I was different to my two brothers. I wished that I was like my sister, I assumed that all boys felt that way and that my father wished he was like my mother. I thought that we must be the unlucky ones and had drawn the short straw. My sisters clothes were a lot nicer than mine, more colourful and pretty with ribbons and bows. Somehow I knew that only girls were allowed to wear pretty things and so I’d have to wear them in secret so nobody knew in case I was punished. I’ve always loved being around females and always wished I could be like them. The one consolation was that when I got older I could have them as partners because they liked me the way I was born. At the age of 8 years old I started playing the clarinet. As I got better at playing a few years later I joined a clarinet group. It was lovely because virtually all the other clarinettists in the group were girls. I also sang in choirs as a soprano and used to do the lead vocals in church and at school. Again it was mostly girls who enjoyed singing so I was surrounded by girlfriends. I joined a Christian youth group when I was an early teenager. I enjoyed it mostly because of the social life and the make-up of the group was predominantly female. I have never really had much of an interest in the religious side of things, I’ve never believed in the existence of God (especially not a male one), although I was forced into attending the Catholic church for the first 15 years of my life by my parents. When I was 16 I had my first proper relationship with a girl. I was a hopeless romantic and I’ve always been extremely emotional. The most wonderful moment in my short life up to that time was the first time we made love. It was the first time I had seen a woman completely naked. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Her body was divine. I just wished that I had been born that way. At 18 yrs old I went to university to study for a degree. The first year was a nightmare for me, I missed my girlfriend so much. I knew there was something not right and eventually at the end of the first year I found out what it was. She was as nice as she could be about it but I was devastated. I was 19 years old and experiencing terrible grief. I’d never known anything so painful in my life, far worse than any physical pain I’ve ever suffered. At that time I wrote my song ‘Falling to Pieces’ about the way I was feeling. I had a couple of relationships with other girls before meeting my life partner at the age of 20 yrs. I fell in love with her pretty quickly. She is lovely, intelligent, wise and kind. I finally finished university and started my career. Over the following years I moved all over the country working for a few different companies. We eventually started living together after spending years of just seeing each other at weekends. Even though I loved her very much, I still had female feelings of my own. I started buying her feminine clothes as I liked them so much. I think I was expressing my own femininity in buying them, secretly wishing I was the one who would wear them. As I got older my feelings became more intense. I wanted to be like her, I had had enough of being like I was. I thought that over the years the feelings might subside but instead they got stronger. Eventually I was at breaking point. I had to find out who I was and why I felt as I did. My female feelings had been partially suppressed for years by being in the company of females most of the time, but it wasn’t enough anymore. How do you explain to the woman you love that you want to be a woman yourself? It finally all came out in 2003, I couldn’t suppress it anymore. The woman living inside wanted to live on the outside. I couldn’t fight my feelings anymore. It was too emotionally painful. I told her about the way I felt and eventually told my family. She has been as supportive as she can be, I feel dreadful that I have hurt her. My family have been very supportive which is wonderful considering that so many others like me become disowned by their families and partners. I started living full time as a woman in 2005, and now nearly 3 years later I have recently undergone gender re-assignment surgery with Dr Suporn in Thailand. The road is a long and lonely one at times. It takes many years to change and involves physical pain at times. But that is nothing compared to the emotional upheaval that the whole process involves. But I know that I’m doing that right thing. I’d always known that I was probably transsexual because of the feelings I’ve always had. It was just a bit scary to even consider transitioning and all it involved. So I am now reborn physically after 3 years of transition. This is not the end of transition but is the beginning of a new life. Natalie xx